I opened my work laptop at 10.45pm last night and...
…..And…. I almost started working. at almost 11pm at night on a WORK DAY. (this was me last night). I just have too many things I want to do lately that I figure working late is an option.
I thought to myself “I can get ahead if I just respond to a couple of emails!” It will make me feel ahead in the morning and I’ll feel positive and ready to take on the day and its challenges.
BUT then I sat there and reflected.
I thought “Is THIS really who I want to become? A workaholic who responds to emails at all hours because I don’t set any personal boundaries? Does it really make me feel ahead or will I wake up to a whole host of new emails that need firefighting because #life”
As much as I was tempted to start replying to emails I know how that goes. Work kinda gets addictive like that. Its the slot machine theory of not knowing what email will come in next. As much as I love to moan about work and being busy it DOES feel good to be needed and feel useful.
So I reflected for a few minutes on what it is I was looking for and it came to me. I wanted to feel organised and have some semblance of having my life together. Because if I’m being honest I feel like life is like a series of spinning plates balancing crookedly on edges and somehow spinning all by themselves.
There are so many things I manage in my life like the job, the business, content creation, goal setting, new home stuff and newly married life and none of it feels easy (all of which will come to a blog post soon as I’m quite excited for all of these new challenges because hello type A planner personality"!)
I’m learning that I don’t have to have it all together all of the time. I can plan things and have my project planner and goal planner and task list and still not have to finish everything perfectly. Honestly? It feels so refreshing to be able to just enjoy life, to make plans with fluidity and have goals and actually enjoy the process. This is so completely alien territory to me that it feels really strange to not be thinking about work all the time, as demonstrated by my itching to get to work in the evening hours.
I’m learning that 99% of work emails can wait at least a day, sometimes two before someone screams loud enough and then I can action that first if it’s not looked at already (and by someone else in which case BONUS). It helps to curb my perfectionistic tendancies.
Because let’s face it perfectionism isn’t about being great at everything - part of it is fear of finishing something that is less than ok. Or worse that you invest your time in something and it turns out to be a total waste (spoiler alert VERY few things in life are an actual waste as you can learn from literally everything in life).
Lately I’ve been putting so much pressure on myself to manage the full time finance job, organise the flat ready for the move, turn the wheels on the coaching business, generate social media content, track my goals, find a workout routine I can manage and make time for family. All whilst having 100% energy which if you know me, as an introvert, doesn’t last long. I’m an introvert to my core - I need my quiet time and solo retreats like I need oxygen and water. But I also love being able to connect with people when I’m ready to be sociable again lol.
Seeing the time so late on my work laptop made me realise that work will always be there tomorrow and the day after that and the month after that and that if I’m playing the long game in life I can’t work the midnight oil every day. I can feel the discomfort, especially after a crappy work day, but then I can wind down, truly switch off and start afresh the next day.
So this is me writing a blog post at 11.15pm on my work laptop (something I’ve wanted to do for absolutely agges) and I’m proud that for the first time in a really long time I wrote a piece/post that came off the cuff - no planning, no blog batching and no scheduling. If there are errors then I am sorry or am I? :)
The question is - did you find it interesting and was it in any way helpful to you?
I’ll see you in the next diary post “ahem” BLOG post! xx