The "I Don't Know" Block
If you have ever struggled with identifying your limiting beliefs or blocks read on. There may be one very sneaky thought blocking you from finding your blocks in the first place!
It’s one thought that can seem quite small but the underlying damage this one thought can do is quite unbelievable.
It’s the thought “I don’t know”
And it may not come up in your mind directly as “I don’t know”. It could show up as any of these:
“I’m not sure what the right thing is”
“How do I do this?”
“I don’t have a plan”
“I’m not sure I can do this”
“This feels messy and uncertain”
“this doesn’t feel like the right order of doing things”
It could come up in different ways and feel different so you might not even be aware that this is your block. But it can create all kinds of doubts. It can lead to you doing more research before starting new projects or it can even lead to you have an overthinking spiral where you feel rubbish and then don’t want to work. This blog post will help you understand abit more and give you some tips to break through the block. Read on and enjoy..
For me not knowing things has been is one of the biggest mental blocks that I struggled with for a very long time. For me it would show up in all sorts of new situations from blogging to making YouTube videos to working in my day job. If I didn’t know how to respond to an email, guess what my solution was? To file it away so that it wasn’t taking up space in my inbox (or my brain). Not a solid coping strategy but my brain felt it was a viable option at the time.
And honestly? It felt rubbish. It would also come up with things I have ingrained in my life like laundry. The thought that would pop would be “I don’t know when to do the laundry this week as it’s super busy”. You could pretty much add “I don’t know” onto anything in my life and it would have been an accurate description of how I was feeling. I was overwhelmed and I felt like I wasn’t doing the things that other people were doing as a natural part of their lifestyle.
I felt like I was watching all these people around me get on with their lives knowing exactly what they were doing and when it needed to be done. That I was somehow missing the magic solution and therefore messing up my life and just being useless. Not a very good feeling is it? And yet my brain thought it would be useful to have this thought over and over and over again. Quite honestly it’s been the biggest limiting belief I’ve ever had.
The truth about thinking you don’t know is that deep down on some level you believe there is a “right” way to do the thing and thinking the thought “I don’t know” keeps you looking for the magic right way to do the thing you’re putting off. The honest truth is that there is no perfect right method to do things. There is trial and error and sometimes lots of error before it works.
Because here’s the thing. The more you think the thought “I don’t know” and the more you start to believe it, guess what happens? Not knowing becomes your default way of living your life. Bit by bit without realising you close yourself off to new situations and building relationships with people and you won’t even realising you do it until you have arguments with people around you and they struggle to understand you.
It builds a self-fulfilling prophecy that you ultimately end up not questioning. But how can you challenge something you aren’t even aware of? By taking a step back, having a defined mental break. Then coming back to where you are to ask yourself the deeper questions and reflect on what comes up.
In my life I’ve been surrounded by amazing people from my parents and brothers to my husband and his friends and my own friends. Part of the block would come from comparison to whatever I wasn’t doing that other people were doing consistently. I would have this inner thought that everyone else knows what they’re doing and because I feel lost that must mean “I don’t know what I’m doing”.
The other part of it came from not liking who I am and looking for validation in everything external. I started to realise that if I keep comparing myself to everyone else then I will NEVER be happy because I’m living my own unique life and not theirs! Sure, I could follow what everyone else appears to be doing but would that necessarily make me happy or at least peaceful? Not really. So, what was the solution?
For comparison, it came to working on trusting that my life is working out exactly how it’s meant to and looking for the things I love about myself.
For looking for validation, it came to choosing to give myself permission right here and now without having any requirement or thing to be completed.
I decided to reflect in my journal on look at where the thought “I don’t know” pops up and look for patterns.
This is still something I work on daily so I will open my journal when a doubt or uncomfortable thought pops up and ask myself “what am I struggling with today?”. I then dump everything onto the page without editing or judging or censoring myself.
The thought definitely pops up much less today and it has less hold over my mind than it ever did. And when it does come up I challenge myself to ask “why is it a problem if I don’t know?” and “what is the real deeper issue that is going on here?”
When you first start to unpick your blocks and limiting beliefs show yourself true kindness as this is ongoing personal development work and takes time. It’s not one and done BUT that doesn’t mean it will be hard forever. It will get easier to see your blocks and work on them the more you practice this work.
To begin with set a timer for 15 to 30 minutes and use a journal to reflect on anything that you are thinking and feeling. Write about everything and anything that comes up WITHOUT censoring yourself. Once you’ve done this for a session of up to 30 minutes allow yourself to get up and walk away to them come back with a fresh perspective.
You can then look at everything you wrote and become a detective.
Strategies for breaking through the “I don’t know” thought that have worked for me
[feel free to try them out & tweak them to suit you. Remember! It takes trial and error along with practice so be kind to yourself]
Write down the “I don’t know” statement/s that come up with whatever task you are finding hard e.g. “I don’t know how to write a good blog post, or something that lots of people will read [that used to be on autopilot for me!]
Then underneath answer these questions in detail.
How do I know?
How DO I have enough information already?
Why does it not matter if I don’t know?
What am I making not knowing mean really?
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Here’s one I did previously:
The statement: I don’t know how to write a good blog post, or something that lots of people will read.
My answers to the questions:
How do I know?
I know how to write and I know how to edit. What I find so hard is writing a really good post. I know it takes time and I just want to get to the bit where I’m continually publishing good content that actually helps people. I’m finding I don’t want to be rubbish at writing.
How DO I have enough information already?
I have all my past blog posts and my content bank. And a whole library of books with beautiful words inside. I have a huge community of people who follow me and I can reach out on IG and see any time what people are curious about. I have my journal with a vast history of all my thoughts and that alone is enough for a year of blog posts. I have an eclectic mix of information available to me from my own unique life, I don’t need to go searching for more!
Why does it not matter if I don’t know?
Because I’m not trying to be perfect, ever. I’m just trying to be a bit better than the last post and I don’t need to have it all mapped out now, that’s the insecurity within me talking. Because I’m having a go and I’m not criticising myself. I’m not here to grade my posts but to have a go at this one life of mine. I can make a different to people’s lives even with imperfect posts full of grammar mistakes. The content of the post is the same and eventually I can find different ways of reaching people like in IG stories or even a podcast. There is NO one right way therefore I don’t need to know everything at the start or even at the end. Because it’s more important to trust that doing this work and showing up is much more important than having it all figured out. IF I can just trust that and DO the work then the knowing will come in later after all the doing. Maybe I got this the wrong way round. DO first and know later on reflection, yes that’s it!
What am I making not knowing mean really?
That I can’t help people if I don’t write really good blog posts. That I will waste my reader’s time and then they will unsubscribe and not read anything I write ever again. That I will never be successful in blog writing or coaching or anything I try. That if I’m not perfect the first time then I’m automatically rubbish and may as well give up then. What a rubbish way to live my life!
Try it out and see what comes up for you. If you want to work on this more then I can help you. Message me on IG and we can look at breaking your blocks and destroying the limiting blocks for good!